Monday, December 29, 2008

And Baby Makes...FOUR!

It is finally time to share our exciting news with all of you!! Addison will become a big sister this August. (I think it's August anyway) :) I will be going to the doctor on January 7th and I believe that she will send me for a trans-vaginal sonogram and we will be able to get a more acurate due date. Since this pregnancy was not planned, I of course, did not keep records. I did get an "over-the-belly" sonogram though. At least that is what I call it, I do not know the proper medical term. A friend of mine from highschool does sonograms at the hospital and she scanned me..on my birthday! What a great birthday present :) She measured that I was 6 weeks and 3 days along at that point...so that would put me at 7 weeks and 4 days today! She was surprised to see a heartbeat was detected this early with this type of sono..but there it was!
We are definatly excited about adding to our family but also a little nervous. If any of you know how busy Addison already is, the thought of adding another right now is exhausting! But God has a divine plan and we are truly blessed!
Chris and I had trouble getting pregnant with Addison and had to use Clomid, a fertility drug, to concieve. So, you can imagine our surprise to find out that we were expecting again! AND, it is around the same time that I was due with Addison. So, the birthdays will be very close. I remember telling everyone at Christmas that we were expecting with Addison..and we repeated history!
So..that's what's new at the Barber house! Hope you all had a Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, November 25, 2008

Flashy Flamingo

Ok, so if anyone here REALLY knows me, they know I have a weakness. (Well, one major one) JEWELRY! :) I went to Tinsel & Tidings this past weekend and I saw a girl wearing a necklace that I loved! I asked her who made it and turns out it is a girl named Leah that I remember from school! She was younger than me, my sister's age. I tracked her down and she is making me a necklace/bracelet set. She has a blog with all of her jewelry if you are interested! She will make one special for you! Just tell her what you do/don't like!
Here is the one she made for me!

Sunday, November 23, 2008

Addie Lou Who

Ok, so we are having family Christmas photos made tomorrow. I am so excited!! :) I found this dress and I just couldn't pass it up! AND...I had to have a hairbow to match, so I am proud to say I made one!! Yay! :) This dress reminds me of something Cindy Lou Who would wear on The Grinch that Stole Christmas. So, now we have an Addie Lou Who! Now, I just hope the hairbow isn't bigger than her head since she is asleep and can't model it out for me.


This was the "first draft". I liked it until I uploaded the photo and saw it on here. It was just missing something so I ripped it apart and redid it. You see why I never have any spare time? I always get caught up in little projects that turn into big ones! (this one took a good couple of hours)





Wednesday, November 19, 2008

Addison, Bethany, & Izzy

My niece Bethany came to stay with us this weekend while her mom went to the Women of Faith conference in OK City. I was totally bummed that I was unable to go this year because of conflicting work schedules (on Chris' part...since he had to watch Addie) But I am here to tell you that I am GOING next year! Rain or Shine! We did have a Women's Day of Refreshing at my church on Saturday which I really needed though. I was so glad to get to go..thank you Heather for watching the girls! (The Day of Refreshing is a whole blog in itself..so I won't elaborate here. I did take the girls to see Gradad and thought that this was a cute pic of them. Yes, they are dressed alike because apparently Jennifer, my sister, has the same taste in children's clothes that I do. Haha :) Just worked out that they had the same outfit...so why not?? Aren't they cute??
Bethany looks JUST like Jennifer's baby pictures and Addison does favor me in a lot of ways...although Chris gets a lot of credit for her looks too. My mother said that it is just like having another little Jennifer & Amber running around. Jen and I were about this far apart. Addie is 14 months and Beth is almost 3. Although, Jen's hair was like the color of Addison's and my hair was the color of Bethany's. Weird :)
Addison is lovin' having "Bethie" around (as she likes to call her)
Oh Look, Pip matches too!

I also took a much needed coffee break with my friend Katy today! She brought me a Soy Almond Joy Latte which was YUMMY! And yes, it IS on my Top 10 List of Worst Foods..but it tasted so good and was worth the cheat! :) Addison and Izzy had a pretty good time playing together. (Until Addison attacked Izzy. She had a strangle hold on her over a toy at one point. Sorry Katy! Took me by surprise!! Yikes!) Anyway, they sat together and shared some "nutritious" GoldFish and then decided to play "Night, Night"
TOO CUTE!

And as you can see, Pip is waiting for a crumb...as always. Addison yells "NOOOOOO" if the dogs get any closter to her than this while she is eating. Although, Dixie did steal a cookie right out of her hand today which caused an Addison sized meltdown.




Thursday, November 6, 2008

Why did the chicken cross the road?

I thought this was too funny and wanted you all to have a laugh. I got this from a friend of mine and just had to share!


Why did the chicken cross the road?


BARACK OBAMA : The chicken crossed the road because it was time for change ! The chicken wanted change !

JOHN MC CAIN: My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road. HILLARY CLINTON : When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road. This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure right from Day One that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.

GEORGE W. BUSH : We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

DICK CHENEY : Where's my gun?

COLIN POWELL : Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road.

BILL CLINTON : I did not cross the road with that chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE: I invented the chicken.

JOHN KERRY : Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

AL SHARPTON : Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens.

DR. PHIL : The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on t his si de of the road before it goes after the problem on the other side of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his current problems before adding new problems.

OPRAH: Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

ANDERSON COOPER, CNN: We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

NANCY GRACE : That chicken crossed the road because he's guilty ! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN : To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART : No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS : Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.
ERNEST HEMINGWAY : To die in the rain, alone.

JERRY FALWELL : Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side.' Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay, too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media whitewashes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side.' That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA: In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS : Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish its lifelong dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE : It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.
JOHN LENNON: Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES : I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of eChicken2008. This new platform is much more stable and will never reboot. ALBERT EINSTEIN : Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

COLONEL SANDERS : Did I miss one?

Chuck E. Cheese

I took Addison back to Greenville today...we just can't seem to stay away! :) I just love seeing my friend Natasha and her baby Addyson. We decided to take the girls to Chuck E. Cheese for a late lunch (after shopping, of course) and as you can see they had too much fun! They were both exhausted after today but it was worth it!
Addison was terrified of the rides at first, which was puzzling since she likes the rides at the mall. But she warmed up to some of them by the time we left. (Except no Teletubbies..they are SCARY apparently) I tried to put her on one of the Teletubby rides and it was like trying to put a cat in a tub full of water. She was clinging to me with all the strength she had and holding her legs stiff so I couldn't put her in..while shaking her head no. So of course, we didn't make her ride it. It's crazy the stuff she is scared of sometimes. I am really glad that Chucky wasn't making his appearance while we were there!
Addison also discovered how fun it is to "dip" french fries into ketchup. By the end of the meal, she was eating straight ketchup-but given the healthy alternative of pizza and fries, I didn't see much harm in letting her.

I just look at these pics and think about how blessed I am to have such fabulous family and friends. God is good...All the time! And I thank Him for every moment..this is the stuff life is made of! I wish Chris had been able to come with us-that would have just sweetened the pot even more!

Best Buddies: Addison to the second power! (Addyson & Addison)
Tryin to Break Free!

I LOVE this picture. I see me in her expression..most of the time I feel like I am looking at a Little Chris, so it's nice to recognize me there too!

Who can resist that crooked grin???






Wednesday, November 5, 2008

Addison's Ears are Pierced!!

I went yesterday to see a friend of mine in Greenville and we decided to take Addison to Claire's to get her ears pierced. Natasha was sweet enough to actually be the one to sit with her while she got them done and I got to be the one to console her. She said that Addison didn't even cry after they did the first ear but she cried after the second. But not for long! We took the girls (her Addyson & mind) and let them sit on one of those moving play trucks in the mall and that made them happy!
So now, it is finally done. I have been wanting to have them done for about 14 months now..hehe
Yay!! Thanks Tash!














Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Look what Chris bought me!!!!

Nissan Pathfinder SE


Technically, this was supposed to be Wordless Wednesday but I can't be wordless now! We went to the Metroplex on Monday to look at vehicles and came back with one! I really didn't think Chris was that serious about purchasing one..but I was wrong! (See! I can admit when I'm wrong) Anyway, we were at the car dealership from 6pm-11pm and didn't get home 'till 1 but I was so excited I wasn't even tired at all. I cannot believe it! I have never had a car this nice. It has a sun roof and a Bose radio and all sorts of other little cool features that I am learning. Hmm...Maybe I should have taken a picture standing up out of the sun roof. I wanted to lay across the hood, but I thought that might be just a tad over the top. Haha :) I had to fight the urge last night to go get my pillow and blanket and sleep in there. I love it! ....and I love you Chris! Thank you! :) Geez, and all I was going to get him for our Anniversary was a shirt. :)

Thursday, October 16, 2008

Thursday Thirteen

13 Things you probably don't know about me:

1. I ALWAYS have trouble spelling the words Forty, and Calendar correctly. Everytime I do auto spell check I get those wrong! Usually it's Fourty and Calander before spell check.

2.I played the flute & piccolo in my middle/highschool band...wasn't half bad at it either.

3. In the play "Into the Woods", I played 1 half of a cow. The back half. :) Mostly so I could be a part of all of it. I didn't even want a speaking roll. My favorite part of the process was painting huge canvas storybooks for the set.

4.I can't roll my tounge. It's irritating. And yes, I went to Ripley's Believe it or not once, and fell for the whole "roll your tounge in the 2-way mirror" bit.

5.I do not like being in the sun. It hurts my eyes, gives me a headache, makes me hot, makes me sweat, gives me freckles, and probably skin cancer. Therefore, I would rather go to Alaska on vacation as opposed to Hawaii. Although the snow probably makes it that much brighter. I don't know. I do like the rain though. I know, I should have been a vampire.

6. I have an addiction--to EBay. But, you probably DID already know that.

7. I have a unique laugh...when it is really, really funny. Well, technically it's unique to me and my sisters. We all have the same high pitched giggle. (And sometimes, I snort)

8. I can purr like a cat.

9. I went to Bible College, although I didn't graduate. But, I still hope to finish...one day.

10. I hate making decisions, like what is for supper. I wish it were already planned out so I wouldn't have to stress about it. I also hate picking a place to go out to eat. I like it better when people just say "Wanna have lunch at Chili's?" or something like that.

11. I have lots of favorite foods but I cannot live without Eggs. Scrambled, boiled, fried...anyway you make them, I will eat them. Oh! And DEVILED. YUM! I can't wait for Thanksgiving and Christmas.

12. I really like Leaves. Anything that looks like a leaf, I like. I have leaf plates, and pictures of leaves in my living room. Very odd, I know. Even my curtain rods have leaves on the ends.

13. I often wish I lived back in the '50s when Lucy Ricardo were around cause I think we could have been good friends. She cracks me up! (Of course, I know Lucy Ricardo isn't real..but I can't go back to the '50s anyway, so since this is my imagination....) I do NOT think I would have been good friends with June Cleaver.

Be Creative!

Ok, so here are a few pics of things that I have made :) I tell Chris all the time that it is "art" and he just laughs. But it IS! I have to be creative otherwise I will go crazy. It's all I can do sometimes not to go get a gallon of paint and redo rooms in the house. So, this is my outlet. It's what I like to do in my spare time. Scrapbook!


Paper/Prima Flowers

Here is my latest scrapbook page..its a 2 page layout. I am getting a bunch together hopefully before I post them on EBay to try and sell. Other people do it, so why not?? Plus, I already have a ton of scrapbook stuff so might as well try to make some money, right?? BtW--I heard Ellen say once that glitter should be banned... UH NO! What would I do?? I love Glitter! I think Everything should have glitter on it! haha








Monday, October 13, 2008

For Today 10-13-08



Outside My Window...It is dark & cool. 70F Breezy-My favorite time of year is when the weather is like this.



I am thinking...about Jana's baby shower, and thinking that I really need to be studying. That's what I will do next. Addie is finally in bed for the night so it is my time now.



I am thankful for...Atkin's Peanut Butter Cups. :) Of course, among other things. I just discovered these...and they help with my choc-o-holic cravings.


From the kitchen...Leftover brisket and chicken LC tacos



I am wearing...my favorite shirt ever..busy & bright, yellow/red, sleeveless, trapeeze type shirt. blue jean capris



I am creating...paper flowers for scrapbooking.



I am going...to take a bath & relax :) Maybe drink a glass of red wine.



I am reading... S is for Silence by Sue Grafton



I am hoping...that my legs stop being so achy and that I get a burst of energy so that I can stay up late and get lots of stuff done. It's too hard to get things done with my little busy body into everything. Earlier, when I was posting my other blog, she pulled out all of the cards from my card box...which was a LOT and pulled all of the hairspray and hairstuff off of my roller cart. I have to watch her clsoely because she likes to put hairspray pumps in her mouth!



I am hearing...Chris playing Madden on XBOX, the hum of the refrigerator & the baby monitor



Around the house...I finished the Laundry and everything is pretty much in it's place. I am going to try to clean baseboards tomorrow.



One of my favorite things...is watching a movie, cuddled up to my hubby.



A Few Plans For The Rest Of The Week: Get the baby shower details nailed down, finish the next chapter in The Language of Medicine & take a test, make a baby scrapbook for Lukaas.




Here is a picture that I am sharing... It is Addison the first day we brought he home from the hospital.


The State Fair of Texas

Last Thursday, Chris took me to the State Fair of Texas! It was the first time I have ever been and it was HUGE! I have only been to the county fair once before, but it can't hold a candle to the State! I couldn't believe there was that much.

We were going to take the baby with us, but at the last minute, called my sister to ask her if she would babysit. Addie would have been worn out by the time we were finished anyway and this way Chris and I got to spend some time together. We had a great time but I did miss the baby and so did Chris. I am not used to being away from her all day like that.



Chris DID get me on the SkyWay just to get from one side of the park to the other, but I am too big of a chicken to ride the rides. I honestly didn't like the SkyWay either because it was too high up and I am scared of heights.


There is no way he was getting me on this thing! Ha!

Here is Tex. He lacks a "boootay" as Chris pointed out.

Me & Lover Boy

Chris eating a sno-cone with a terrible spoon. Come on, you pay $5 bucks for a sno-cone..you should at least get a decent spoon! Seriously though, whose idea was it to FRY everything at the fair??
Fried Grilled cheese,
chicken fried bacon-tried it and it was NASTY,
Fried cookie dough-now, baked cookie dough is a cookie so..what is Fried??
Deep Fried Latte--c'mon! I knew noone would believe me so I took a pic of the sign.
These are just a few of the Fried items at the fair. Next time, I am stickin' with chicken nuggets or something normal. :)
At OTB after the Fair
Told you!
Fried Grilled Cheese--Actually pretty Yummy..but I liked a REAL Grilled cheese better. Although, how can it be Fried and Grilled? It should just be called a Fried Cheese Sandwich.

Regardless of the amount of fatty foods, the fair was fun and I am glad Chris took me! :) Thanks baby!








Say Cheese!!

Addison & I saying "cheese" for the camera..which she now says everytime she sees it.:)
This is what I stayed up all night working on! I am giving my bf a baby shower and here are the invitations! I used my new cuttlebug die cut/embossing machine to emboss a baby carriage on the envelope. It's coming along and the shower will be here before we know it!

This is a pic of Addison this morning modeling the new hairbow I made.

I am trying to make a bunch of stuff to sell on ebay..and so I thought I would try out my hairbow making skills.




I have decided that I am going to try to stay in for the week..with the exception of church and the meeting with the other hostesses for the baby shower. I just want Addison and I to get to spend some more quality time together. I am going to take her for a walk later. (Of course, staying in means no driving.. we are still allowed to go outside :)) Then, we are going to read a few books, and play with toys, ect.
We may take a jog over and see if my friend Pam is home! See if she remembers what we look like. Haha It has been a while! Plus, I have set a goal...to lose 20 more lbs. by Christmas and I think staying home will definatly help. Because I am TERRIBLE when I get out..there are carbs lurking arond every corner. I always have the best of intentions to stay away, but I always seem to give in. I now hit my 1st goal...of losing 50 lbs! Yes, you heard me right! Although, I am counting down from the time I checked into the hospital to have Addison..so some of that was actual baby..haha
Wish me Luck! If you wanna stop by, you know where I'll be!!





Tuesday, October 7, 2008

Reading & ABC's of ME

Today I went to a class at the Pregnancy Care Center taught by a friend from church. It was about the importance of turning off the TV and reading to your child. She had a lot of statistics that showed that IQ levels are linked to how much you read to your child and how much your child reads to themselves once they are able to. It made me realize that we watch WAY too much TV and I want to hopefully cut some of that out. Especially during the daytime when Addie is awake. One of my favorite things to do at night is to watch a movie with Chris. (Right now we are on Harry Potter #5..it's so good!) Anyway, she was also talking about the hazardous effects of television for a child under the age of 2! And of course, I let Addison watch some tv, namely Baby First TV. But that is it. And I am even having second thoughts about that.

I am hoping to make a new ritual/habit of reading to her several times a day. Even though I know she is too young to really understand, I want her to get in the habit of sitting there are trying to focus even if it is on pictures. She really does understand a lot of what I say to her now, so who knows, she may "get" more out of it than I think.

Here are the books that I got to bring home today. Look how many!! All for FREE!
Anway, I was able to go today because Chris took Addison to Longview to see his family. So, I stayed here and had lunch with a friend and cleaned the house. (WHich took 3 hours!! *sigh*..and I know it will all start over again tomorrow!)



Also, here's a fun little Fill -in -the blank About Me.

ABC's of ME

Accent: Southern...Texan to be specific

Bible book I like the best: Philippians

Chore I don't care for: LAUNDRY!

Dog or Cat: Dogs..because I hate cleaning/smelling litter boxes

Essential Electronics: Cell Phone! It's always near

Favorite Perfume(s): Ralph Lauren Romance & Ralph Lauren Blue

Goals: Finish Medical Transcription school and find a job!

Handbag I carry most often: a diaper bag..who has a handbag when your a mom?

Insomnia: Rarely. I CAN sleep most of the time. I just get busy (usually online) and don't

Job Title: Hairdresser/Mom/Wife/Student

Kids: (1) 13 mo. old baby girl

Living arrangements: I live with my husband and daughter in Texas

Most admirable trait: ?? I feel silly answering that about myself

Naughtiest childhood behaviour: Coloring on the wall and then blaming Jennifer.

Overnight hospital stays: 1. Had my tonsils removed. 2.Had a cyst removed from my groin when I was small...so I think it was overnight. 3. When I had Addison..and I stayed night, after night, after night!

Phobias: Death if loved ones

Quote: From my dad when I was scared to do/ask something. "What are they gonna do?? Take you out back and shoot you?" I live by this motto a LOT.

Religion: Christian

Siblings: 3--Jennifer, (Me), Heather, Angelia

Time I wake up: When Addison does, so it is always different.

Unusual talent or skill: I don't really think its a talent/skill but I am a pretty good scrapbooker I guess. I think I have an eye for that kind of stuff.

Vegetable I refuse to eat: Squash...all except spaghetti squash which I LOVE...and okra.

Worst habit: smelling laundry. Yes, I smell every piece as I am folding. I just don't want anything to have sat in the washer too long and soured, ect.

X-rays: None

Yummy stuff I cook: Bolognese Bread Pizza, Breakfast Casserole, Zuppa Tuscana are a few of my favs

Zoo animal I like most: Flamingos

Monday, October 6, 2008

For Today...

From the kitchen...Brisket, Beans, macaroni, salad, brownies, sweet tea. Although technically not from my kitchen. We had supper tonight with the family at Mom & Dad's house. Dad got a smoker for his birthday so we are the guinea pigs. :) I don't mind. (LOL, I have to add this.. i was re-reading my blog before posting and that sounds like he is going to smoke us.)

I am wearing...army green cargo capris & a black shirt

I am reading...Hide by Lisa Gardener. Spooky in a way--I psyched myself out late the other night reading it. Borrowed it from Mom, who is a crime book/show fanatic.

I am hoping... for Addie's rash to go away soon! She started running a fever on Thursday and at one point it got up to 103.4 BUT.. I had just gotten her out of the bed so she may have been extra warm from laying there. She still ran an average of 101 for two days. She had a runny nose, and was a little congested but that was it. Now, all other symptoms are gone except this rash. We took her to the doc today and he said that she has Acute Pharyngitis and the rash is the after effects of a viral infection. Once she gets the rash then the germs are probably already out of her system so she's no longer contagious.

I am hearing...the baby monitor buzz, the dog snore, and the occasional XBOX sound coming from the living room where Chris is playing Madden.

Around the house...I need to decorate for fall! And of course, clean. Isn't there always something to clean? It's never ending.

One of my favorite things...reading in the bathtub. The next house we live in, I want to get a luxurious bathtub :) But, until then, this one relaxes me just fine.

I also completed my mid-term exam today for Advanced Medical Terminology! YAY! I am halfway there :) I made a B so I am happy. I spent 3 hours at the Paris Coffee Company this morning studying...and drinking an Almond Joy Latte. (DELICIOUS) It was actually fun in a way because I was out of the house, and I met a lot of new people! I ran into Mark Homer who is a Texas state Representative. In highschool, I was actually the Junior Representative for our district for VICA and we went to the House of Representatives in Austin and presented a bill together. It has been that long since I have seen him. He told me today that he still has the clipping from the newspaper with our picture on it in his office. Thought it was pretty cool. I will try to find a copy and post it.

I also met this neat couple who were both deaf, but that didn't stop them from communicating with me! The man was reading the paper and kept coming over to show me articles and just be silly about what was in the paper. He also told me he was having some kind of general surgery and he made a gesture like it was his chest. Anyway, I wrote him a note before I left to let him know I would remember him in my prayers...so I know you don't know him, but send up a prayer on his behalf. :)

(I stole this list idea from my friend Amy Duncan's blog. She always has the best blogs. Thanks Amy!)
Me & Addie tonight right before bedtime

rash......and yes, it is EVERYWHERE!
Even her face :(
But she's still all smiles for the camera!



Wednesday, October 1, 2008

Does anyone smell fish vomit??


Sometimes I feel so unworthy because of the things I have done in my past. I hate who I was and I have a hard time forgiving myself for the choices I made. I was in a "dry" season and I knew right from wrong..but I chose wrong. I felt ugly and unworthy of God's love. I knew that God was a forgiving God and I could turn around and repent and become a new person again. But I just couldn't! I wouldn't let myself. I chose to stay ugly as punishment to myself. You see, even though God could forgive me, I just couldn't forgive myself. I found myself slipping further and further into sin and the unknown until I literally didn't recognize who I saw in the mirror. All because I let my guard down, everything else came crashing down too.I can write this today, as a child of God..because I know that even in my darkest times, when I turned my back on God, He never turned his back on me. I forget sometimes that there is nothing that I can do to deserve my salvation. I am saved by GRACE. I feel the need to prove myself and to keep trying to swim against the current..to no avail. It isn't necessary! When will I ever learn?? These are truths that I know deep down in my heart, I just choose to bypass them sometimes. Jesus made the sacrifice for me...my sins are washed away because I believe. There is nothing I can do to earn my salvation. To say so or to try to do so mocks the great sacrifice that was made for me. What amazes me now is that I realize that even in my darkest times when I was walking the opposite direction, fleeing to Tarshish..God had already prepared the fish and was directing it to where He wanted me to be. Just like Jonah. God called Jonah to go to Ninevah and he did the complete opposite...instead of going East..he went West! I can sit here and think "How can Jonah do that?? I mean God specifically called him to go..how can he say no??" But I do that in my own life too! Even though Jonah was in complete rebellion, God "Prepared" a fish to swallow Jonah after he was tossed into the sea. Jonah stayed in the belly of the fish for three days and then was vomited onto land...where he should have gone in the first place! If only Jonah had just listened the first time, then he wouldn't be standing there in fish vomit, skin bleached white by gastric juices, and stinky! God used Jonah to bring about the greatest revival in history! 600,000 souls were saved in Ninevah! But the thing that strikes me as truly amazing is that even though Jonah was in rebellion, God still was in control and was setting into motion the course that Jonah would take to fulfill His will. He has done that with me too. I may have done things in the past that I am certainly not proud of, but I know that God has molded me through these circumstances. This is where I ams supposed to be. I may stand here, with fish vomit all over me, but here I am! God can use even the stinkiest of rebels. I know that I am finally in the place where I am listening to God..and I am not ignoring him. I am just in complete awe that God loves me enough to put up with me...but he never gave up on me and here I am.

I stand here, clean, with a fresh start and all I have to do is listen. I have such a desire to know God. I want to feel his breath in everything I do. He has blessed me beyond measure even though I don't deserve it. Amazing Grace is such a sweet song to my ears now. A song I have heard over and over now really MEANS something to me. My goal now is to show Jesus' spirit in my life through everything I do. I want people to look at me and be around me and realize who I am living for and want to live for Jesus too. I want to be able to quote scripture at a moments notice. I want to be able to pull it from my heart and apply it to situations. I just have such a longing to know God more.

As a side note, I have to add this too..since these are my true feelings. I am still scared of death and of losing loved ones. I mean terrified of it. I want Jesus to comfort me in this. I want to be assured that when I close my eyes to take my last breath, that Jesus will be standing there holding out his hand waiting for me so that I won't be scared to journey over to the other side. It is just such a realm of the unknown and as a human I just want to KNOW. But I am praying about this daily and I am hoping that God can give me peace and courage and his hand if I need it. I am also scared as a mother that something will happen to my child. I know that she is in God's hands if something were to happen to her... but the selfish, human part of me wants to keep her here with me always. I just need the comfort that God can give. I cannot imagine how a mother of a sick child feels. Mine is perfectly healthy and yet here is a numbing fear that just will not leave my mind. I know it is the devil trying to get his foothold..but I just can't seem to kick him out of my mind. I know that God is in control and I need to let my spirit be at ease in knowing this. He WILL be there waiting to cross over with me. Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for you are with me.


Anyway, thanks Pastor Jason--I didn't sleep through your sermon. :)


Thursday, August 14, 2008

Here is a post I started and never got around to finishing. I uploaded some pics that I liked of Addison playing outside...which she loves. Notice Chris modeling for GQ in the last pic. :)